no rice no life

Wow reading messages and realising Alistair really did have no idea I liked him all year, and noticing that it was really October that we started fooling around, and by that time we were both calling eachother my love and sweet and lovely and it’s so weird to think that!

I’m feeling suddenly very lonely. Not so much lonely maybe, but just alone. I regret not having any girl friends anymore, that I want to be with at least, and the only person I want to be with is Alistair but it’s ridiculous to depend on him for that much. I think what’s really catching up with me is not having Mum as much as I’d like and my family being so stupid. I’ve always been really apathetic to it and it’s been easy to be that way for a long time but now I’m surrounded by people with exciting and most of all happy lives who have their families there for them and it’s really making me feel alone that I don’t have anyone or anything like that. Sigh it’s just hard.

Theres something about the word ‘lovers’ that makes me feel strange in the best way possible. Looking at a couple and thinking them as lovers, or having him describe us as lovers. I think it’s my favourite word, nothing beats it.

im jealous of every girl whos with you ever because i only have eyes for you. i only see that. you’re mine haha sorry thats blunt but i hope its really true.

sometimes it’s hard because all i want to do is be able to have you hold me whenever i want ;____; 
ah i’m glad i have alistair now. they say you lose two close friends when you fall in love. corey was one. and i’ll miss you grandpa, too.